Back at Square One

This past Thursday was the hardest day I have had in a long time. That was Lincoln's last day at the Montessori school. The whole week I would sort of hyperventilate before I went to drop him off. Then on the way to work I would weep a bit.

Well Thursday topped it all. As soon I walked in the door and turned in my key, I started tearing up. Thursdays Ms. Debra opens the room, so I gave her the gift I made and a hug. I got close to all out crying. Good thing she did not open it right then, I would have started balling. I framed the picture I took of her and Linc and gave her a candle and a card to tell her how much I will miss her and what she meant to us. I could not stay as long as normal that morning because I just could not handle being there. On the way out I started balling and cried for about 5 mins, so I would say that was not so bad.

All day at work I kept thinking about how I was going to be picking him up for the last time and it made me sad. Before I even opened the door to the school, tears where running down my face. I clocked him out for the last time and went on to his room which I found was dark. I guess this was a good thing, because then I had time to process what was happening before I saw his teacher or him.

I walked into his room and began to ball. Memories of his first day came back to me, and I was so much worse off this day than his first day. I got a bag and started to collect all his things from his cubby. I got the first shoes we bought him, his old clothes he couldn't wear anymore and all his extra diapers and wipes. The final thing I got was his blanket off his cot, that was the worst. I just got on my knees and balled for 5 mins, I was a mess.


These pictures are from Linc's old school. I wanted to take some so I could remember what his room looked like. This was his cubby door, it had a picture of him on it when he first started walking.

This is the chair I nursed him in when he was just a little baby.

He ate at these tables everyday when he stared solid foods.

This is the activity part of his room, he loved the slide and the fun windows.

The crib he slept in until he could walk.

His cot he sleeps on now.

I thought I had myself back together and was ready to get Lincoln, but as soon as I saw people I started to cry again. I think I scared some of the other moms, but I told them I was just sad it was his last day. Man, having a baby sure does make you emotional. I would have never thought I would have been so sad about something like this. I think really what is getting me is that he has grown up so much here. He did so many firsts here and it all just went by so fast. You can't blink or you might miss something.

I finally saw Linc and Ms. Sandra and lost it again. She almost lost it too. She said she just could not be in his room today, it was just too sad. She updated me on his day and how he seemed to know something was going on because he was extra lovey that day. When I finally calmed down we talked for a bit and I told her how much I was going to miss her and how I know he would miss her too. We were so blessed to have such wonderful teachers and a great first experience at school.

I think this was the hardest decision we have had to make for our son. I struggled with it the most since I dropped and picked him up there every day. I had such a connection with these ladies. So it was not just like Linc was losing his teachers, it was like I was losing some friends. Now I know I can email and call them, but it won't be the same as seeing them each day.

Today was Lincoln's first day at his new school. And I felt like we were back to the beginning. He has to get use to a new school, new teachers and make new friends. We have to learn to trust his new teachers and trust in the education, all which we already had established at the old school. But after today's experience I am hopeful that we can do this.

When we got to school, the teacher welcomed Linc and took his stuff. Right afterwards she took Linc and told him to tell us bye. We were there maybe 5 mins tops. I think this was also good because I didn't have time to process what was going on and so I didn't even cry. I felt at ease and had a pretty productive day at work. When I picked him up he was happy and had taken a 2 hour nap! The teacher said he did great. Hopefully he will continue to do good, because being home with him an extra hour at night is awesome. After this semi stressful day, I think some good wii fit is in order. Goodnight!